So, I'll admit it; this post isn't entirely all about birds and nature... or, at least, that's not how it starts. But, if you see it through, you'll find that's where it ends.
There was just so much on my mind today. My decision to share these thoughts came with some hesitation, as I'm often at least tangentially paranoid that someone out there will hate me. But now is not the time to freeze in fear of something so small. It's time to share the message that's screaming in my head. It's a pure message, or at least, it is to me.
So here we go...
In this climate of COVID-19, shelter-in-place restrictions, and all that goes with it, there is so much virtual chatter to consume, so many voices to digest. Scrolling through social media can be overwhelming, a sea of discordant perspectives. I guess I just wanted to share some ways I've been seeing my way through, and swimming back to peace.
Looking for Signs
Every morning, I draw a few cards which contain messages of inspiration. My cards of the day today were Personal Growth and Benefit of the Doubt. I now see how timely these are. I feel it's a real sign of personal growth to give people the benefit of the doubt, and I felt that today when wading through that aforementioned social media scene. Whenever I'd read something that hit me the wrong way, I knew it was a challenge for myself - to give people the benefit of the doubt, to test my ability to listen, control my responses, and come back to Love. I reminded myself to stop, step outside the gut reaction, and decide how I wanted to feel. And guess what? I never answered with "I want to feel upset."
To be more specific, people's ways of life are changing. The things we are and aren't allowed to do are swinging daily in the wake of COVID-19. As a response to this, you'll see so many different views - everything from people justifying the restrictions in favor of safety and precaution; to people feeling like we are being controlled unnecessarily; to those who don't believe the virus is real, or is a cover for something else, or is nothing we'll ever truly understand. In reading all of it, I am less impressed by the different opinions themselves, and more struck by the tone of hatred woven into some of these conversations.
A Small, Itty Bitty Rant
Maybe I was blessed (or cursed) with the ability to not cling very tightly to what is real or not real; to not need to or expect to have a firm grasp on it all; to find that what's more important is how we treat each other, what we do about what we do know. Regardless if this is a good or bad trait, this detachment led me to pose a few questions:
- To those who think the restrictions are unlawful, that we're being herded, controlled, manipulated, put on... I say, yes, this might be true. But what if, instead of spreading that message, calling people sheep, blasting words of fear and condescension, we look instead to what is in front of us? To what is real? To what actions we can take in our own lives, in this moment, to empower ourselves? To feel free? What if we assume we won't be able to change others' minds, and show Love and compassion anyway?
- To those who fiercely defend the restrictions, who believe they're necessary evils to stop the spread of the virus, that life itself is more important than a certain way of life... I say, yes, this might be true. But what if, instead of telling the others how wrong they are for disagreeing, we focus instead on what is in front of us? On what is real? On what actions we can take in our own lives, in this moment, to empower ourselves? To feel safe? What if we assume we won't be able to change others' minds, and show Love and compassion anyway?
My point is, whatever "side" we're on, what if we all stopped telling others what is best? Stopped judging others' choices? What if we acknowledged that what we so fiercely believe today might change tomorrow, with new information and experience? What if we defaulted to minding our own business, except when offering help or support? What if we focused on what we can control in our own lives, and left others to do the same? What if we stopped looking for differences, and instead sought connection (and not just between humans, but among all of creation)?
The Heart of It
We all agree more than we think we do anyway. Deep down, we all want the same basic things. We want to be Loved, to be heard, to feel valued, to see beauty, to connect, to feel joy, to experience freedom, to know peace... the list goes on, but there are basic truths we all hold dear. Things that matter most. These are the places where the virus cannot reach, as Piero Ferrucci says.
Over and over, I think back to a moment with my boyfriend, Frank. It was early in our relationship. I was sitting outside, looking up at the sky, and fretting about the state of our natural world. I was broken up about all the harm that comes to the Earth, to wildlife, to habitats. He looked at me and said, "Don't get upset about things you don't plan to do anything about, or things you can't control. Decide what you can do, do it, and find power in that. And when you can't or won't do anything more, don't let it destroy you. Let it go."
Now I'll admit, Frank is special. This kind of self-regulation seems to come easily for him. Much easier than it feels for me at times. But I know it's possible, because ever since he said those words to me, I've practiced following them. Just like any other muscle, that ability gets stronger over time.
Sometimes though, the modern world really does feel like too much to bear. And this is when my deepest, truest voice chimes in, gently chiding, "step away, think for yourself, do better." When all the self-regulation in the world isn't enough to make things make sense, all it takes is one step outside, and everything falls into place. Here is where I find the ultimate respite, that unflinching sense of ease, the realest truth I know. Here, not in front of any screen, but outside, and especially in the woods.
Cue the Birds and Nature, Please!
This is where my day took me - back into the woods. These days that seem rainy are the best, most solitary ones, and have always been my favorite. Even before social distancing was a thing, I was out there in the rain, connecting back to nature. The birds don't mind a light sprinkle, and neither do I.
Here I am, walking s..l...o....w.....l......y through the woods. My feet are surrounded by quaking blooms of sound and color: crocus flowers, moss like neon, and bubbling, frolicking brooks. The birds are singing whole symphonies of songs: percussion from the woodpeckers and nuthatches, soprano titmice and chickadees, alto Blue Jays, a bass line of toads, all backed by a mournful loon's song. I record it for three full minutes. It'll be a meditation for later (sound file now available on Spotify! Click here to listen).
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| Red-headed Woodpecker |
The more I walk, the more layers I shed, coming back to that vibrant, still knowing inside.
Sometimes I stop moving altogether, standing still and waiting for new sounds and sights. Frozen moments like these hold the best secrets. A Blue Jay sound I've never heard. A brilliant feather, left like a gift. Small groups of deer who materialize out of nowhere to look at me with mild curiosity and cautious trust. These are the hidden gems the fast world will never see.
For me, this isn't just a part of life, and I know it was never supposed to be that. It's not enough to save nature for sunny days and weekend forays. It's not something small to be scribbled into life's margins, tucked behind fences, parceled out and sold. The natural world is the world inside of me, the realest world I know. It is all of life, and everything that matters.
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| Red-tailed Hawk |
This is where I listen to the rhythms I follow, the directions that matter, the voices I trust.
This is where I see rainbows of color, and hear whispers of poetry, the pulse of the Earth.
It's the home of everything beautiful, rich, ancient and new all at once.
Nature doesn't have to talk or argue to prove itself. It doesn't have to make things fit.
It just is.
So maybe, the next time everything seems too complicated or heated, the next time you feel like you have no control... maybe the answer isn't in trying to understand it all. Maybe the answer lies in listening, letting go, walking away, and coming home.
In this way, we swim yet another lap back toward peace.
Psst - I know where it lives, and it's waiting for you.
